my soul longs for rest

How do you live a balanced life? I have found myself recently trying to balance it all. All the schoolwork… lesson plans, weekly newsletters, endless papers to grade. All the housework… cleaning, laundry (praise God we are finally able to do laundry in our home!), and occasionally cooking a meal. Time with God. Time with my husband. Time with friends. Time to work out. And this is all without children.

When I get in this mode of trying to balance it all, my focus becomes on my to-do list. On setting goals, on getting things done, on how much there is still left to do. While I love checking off my to-do list, it starts to feel empty. My soul longs for more than this. More than a perfectly balanced life. More than getting things done. More than trying to live up to my own expectations. More than trying to be like others. My soul longs for rest.

Rest found in the boundless love of God. Time to be still before my Beloved King. To hear Him whisper, “You are enough. You are my beloved daughter. You are loved. You are treasured. I am pleased in You. I delight in You. Simply because You are mine.”

There is such rest, freedom, and restoration in those words. Freedom from my own expectations. Freedom to rest, to be still, to go deeper. There is restoration for my tired soul. Tired from busyness. Tired from grief and the brokenness of this world.

His love brings life, restoration, renewal. His love alone satisfies. 

May His love satisfy me each and every morning. May the most important thing to me be His love. Learning how to truly dwell in His love. To allow His love to fill me, satisfy me, and define me.

“Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.” Psalm 90:14

Goodness in the midst of Sorrow

I never cease to be amazed at how intimate God is with His children. My Abba Father meets me where I am at and He speaks to my heart.

I recently started a daily Bible reading plan that takes you through the entire Bible in a year. The Psalm yesterday captured my heart and emotions.

“Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak… save me because of your unfailing love… I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief…for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.”

The night before I had found myself sobbing, my heart breaking for the brokenness in this world. For how I unexpectedly encountered brokenness, sadness, and sorrow earlier this week.

God has given me a sensitive heart which allows me to feel deeply. My time of weeping was my heart feeling deeply another’s pain.

As I wept for this one’s hurt, I found myself also weeping for the sorrow of unexpectedly losing my cousin Joshua this past September. I wept for how unfair life is at times, how broken this life is, and for all the hurt and pain in this world.

God is big enough to handle our grief. The next morning, He compassionately reminded me through Psalm 6 of how He hears our weeping. He understands when we are worn out from sobbing and our vision is blurred by grief. He is there with us. He is there holding us tightly in His loving, strong, everlasting arms. He does not let go of us. We are free to cry, to grieve and to feel sadness.

The very next day, I stumbled upon this song which spoke right to my heart. God showing me His love and goodness.

“Good to Me” by Audrey Assad

I put all my hope on the truth of Your promise
and I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Chorus:
Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

I lift my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night raise my head up and hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Bridge:
Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
all my life
I will trust in Your promise

These words spoke right to my heart… “I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness…When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift Your name. I will lift my eyes to the hills where my help is found…Because You are good to Me…Your goodness and mercy shall follow me all my life and I will trust in Your promise.”

In the midst of sorrow, God’s goodness does not change. I will choose to steady my heart on God’s goodness. I will choose to lift up God’s name. I will lift my head up from the sorrow around me and look upon His goodness. For He is good. God never changes. His goodness and mercy follows me all of the days of my life. I will choose to trust His promises. For He is good.

One day there will be no more sorrow, no more pain, no more brokenness, no more hurt. Until that day, I will continue to look to my God. For He is good.