What is lurking below the surface?

 My life does not have to be completely together because my identity is not based on my performance or appearance. What freedom in those glorious truths.

Moments of insecurity often arise when I am tired and running late. Just the fact I am running late is enough for me to hear the old and familiar accusations.”You are not enough. Look you can’t even get ready on time. What is wrong with you?”

As I raced around trying to get ready, I questioned my outfit. Doubts raced through my mind. “Do I like this outfit? Do I look beautiful? Does this outfit make me look fat?”

Before dashing out the door, I realized I had almost forgotten the present we had for our friends we would see later that evening. While I had bought the gift far in advance, I had not taken time to wrap it. As I tried to quickly find a gift bag, the accusations that screamed at me were “This room is a mess. Why can’t you get organized so you can find things quickly? Why didn’t you wrap this ahead of time? You are a failure.”

All of these doubts and accusations happened in a very short amount of time. They all boiled down to the deep fear of “I am not enough. I am a failure.”

If you had asked me last night if I was struggling with insecurity, my answer would have been no. I felt content and at peace with myself. Yet, all it took was one hurried morning to bring out some insecurities and lies that still lurked below the surface.

God has been incredibly faithful. He has brought me so far in this journey. A journey towards wholeness and freedom. A journey towards to my identity as His Beloved.

When I stop and take a moment to reflect on what I know to be true, the fears and accusations are silenced.

The truth sets us free. The truth that God, my Abba Father, declares over my life is that I am His beloved daughter. He says that I am enough. He loves me, delights in me, and accepts me completely. Simply because I am His child. It is not based on anything that I can do. I am free from striving. I am whole, complete, and free in Him.

May I declare and truly live in my identity as His beloved!

Joy of Running

I love running. Tonight I was reminded of why I love to run. I was overwhelmed with a sense of defeat. My mindset was on the brink of affecting my actions. I was about to make some decisions I would later regret. I knew that if I went out for a quick run, the mindset would be broken. However, it was hard to go against my strong feelings. Defeated. It was cold and dark out. I simply sat and cried out loud to God. Lord, I need you. Jesus, I need you.

A simple cry for help. I know God is available to help in such moments yet I often don’t simply cry out. It’s easier to wallow in my feelings. It’s easier to follow in the same habit. Change is hard. I finally got my running shoes on and started running.

Ahhh, I love running. Just running a few simple miles broke my mindset. Running fills me with fresh energy and life.

I love my gospel playlist. I fill my mind with God’s truth while I push forward in my run… I am victorious in Christ… I am an overcomer… I am free. I finished my run, free of all negative feelings. Free to go forward. It started with a simple cry to God for help.

I know these basic truths. For goodness sake, I memorized 1 Corinthians 10:13 in sixth grade. God always provides a way of escape. He always makes a way. He is always available to help us. While I know this, so many times I don’t stop. To be still. To ask God for His help. His power. His deliverance.

I know truths of who I am in Christ. Free. Victorious. Forgiven. Restored. Loved. Accepted. I know them but living them out can be a different matter. I need reminders. To not act based on my feelings but based on the truth of who GOD says I am.

Lord God, I pray that I will remind myself daily of my identity in You. I pray that I will live and act as Your beloved daughter. I pray that I will stop and cry out for help during my day. You are the almighty God of this Universe. Why am I trying on my own feeble strength? Thank you Abba Father for the joy of running. Thank you for these simple reminders. In Jesus Name, Amen