What is lurking below the surface?

 My life does not have to be completely together because my identity is not based on my performance or appearance. What freedom in those glorious truths.

Moments of insecurity often arise when I am tired and running late. Just the fact I am running late is enough for me to hear the old and familiar accusations.”You are not enough. Look you can’t even get ready on time. What is wrong with you?”

As I raced around trying to get ready, I questioned my outfit. Doubts raced through my mind. “Do I like this outfit? Do I look beautiful? Does this outfit make me look fat?”

Before dashing out the door, I realized I had almost forgotten the present we had for our friends we would see later that evening. While I had bought the gift far in advance, I had not taken time to wrap it. As I tried to quickly find a gift bag, the accusations that screamed at me were “This room is a mess. Why can’t you get organized so you can find things quickly? Why didn’t you wrap this ahead of time? You are a failure.”

All of these doubts and accusations happened in a very short amount of time. They all boiled down to the deep fear of “I am not enough. I am a failure.”

If you had asked me last night if I was struggling with insecurity, my answer would have been no. I felt content and at peace with myself. Yet, all it took was one hurried morning to bring out some insecurities and lies that still lurked below the surface.

God has been incredibly faithful. He has brought me so far in this journey. A journey towards wholeness and freedom. A journey towards to my identity as His Beloved.

When I stop and take a moment to reflect on what I know to be true, the fears and accusations are silenced.

The truth sets us free. The truth that God, my Abba Father, declares over my life is that I am His beloved daughter. He says that I am enough. He loves me, delights in me, and accepts me completely. Simply because I am His child. It is not based on anything that I can do. I am free from striving. I am whole, complete, and free in Him.

May I declare and truly live in my identity as His beloved!

When Life Overwhelms

God recently reminded me of a vivid image He gave me last September. It was during a moment of my life when I was completely overwhelmed. I was newly married. I had left my home, my friends, my community to live in Boston with my husband. I was adjusting to marriage and many life changes.

I didn’t have enough time! I didn’t have time to get settled in our home before I started working. Our home, which was full of boxes but lacking of furniture, left me feeling completely unsettled.

I didn’t have time to prepare for the challenges lying before me in a new school year. I didn’t have time to finish preparing my classroom before meeting all the parents for the first time. I didn’t have time to finish preparing for a new year of teaching before meeting my students for the first time.

It was during all of this change and busyness that I felt like I was drowning. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement.

I started believing lies. “You can’t do this. You need to be perfect. A perfect wife. A perfect teacher. Look at how you are already failing. You are a failure.”

After one peculiar emotional afternoon of giving in to my fears, I went out for a quick run. Our home is near ocean. For the first time I ventured out on a rock barge. As I sat down there on the rocks, with the strong waves crashing all around me, God gave me a new perspective.

It didn’t matter what my position was on the rocks. Whether I was standing with arms raised in victory or if I was curled up in a ball on the rocks. My position on the rocks did not change the fact: the rock was a solid foundation and the waves were crashing all around it. In the same way, it did not matter if I was having a day when I am walking in victory as God’s child or a day like earlier when I felt like a failure. My day, my position, my feelings did not change the fact that God is my solid rock. His waves of love continue to crash all around me. Over and over again.

His lavish love never fails. It is unending. His love is not dependent upon me.

God gave me fresh encouragement out on that rock barge. In all my moments of “I can’t do this God!” I realized that was where God wanted me. I realized that I did not need to be perfect. I did not need to do it on my own strength. While life felt overwhelming, God was my solid rock and His love was never ending.

As each wave crashed against the rocks, God was saying “I love you, I love you, I love you”.

When life overwhelms you where do you turn? In what area of your life do you need this freeing and refreshing truth: His love is not based on your performance? Oh how He loves you!